It’s been a very long while since I updated here and a LOOOOT has happened in life.
But here I am again, going back to my first love and summoning up the courage to share to everyone.
September 28, 2024 is a significant date in my life and has probably changed me in many ways I couldn’t even imagine. Probably the most remembered date of my life; if not, maybe one of many.
During this day, what I thought was just another day of my lab interpretation and annual checkup, I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer.
To be honest, the feeling was not like the ones I see on TV , where everyone is furious and crying. I was more of shocked and unable to process the diagnosis. I was alone when the doctor broke the news to me. I wanted to cry but I can’t. My mind stepped on survival mode that it struggled to understand the recommended treatments and suggestions by my breast surgeon.
I went home and tried to process everything. I did a retrospective inventory on my lifestyle choices over the past years.. Was it my diet? Is it because I always slept late? Was it because I lacked exercise? Did I do something that did not please Jesus? Was God punishing me? I eventually got tired of it overthinking what would’ve caused it. I still continued to work for 2 more weeks until I broke the news also to my managers and immediate colleagues at work and told them I decided to have surgery then proceeded with the recommended after treatments.
My team at work were such a blessing and gave me all the time off I needed. I pursued treatments once the surgery was done and it took 7 long excruciating months. I felt like I was going through a very deep, dark valley of fire. During this time, I actively sought God as well as I wanted to know the purpose of this pain. I was willing to walk in the will of the Lord, but I did not understand the gravity of my prayer until it happened to me.
Sure, the thought of having this disease and the process to get treated might kill me but it wasn’t the thought that lingered in my mind. Some days were really hard. I have to fight through a mental battle more than a physical one. But even then, I was determined to know what God will do throughout this season — and from that alone, I already knew God will do a miraculous thing out of this, as what He already have done time and time again.
True enough, the doctor declared that they have removed the cancer out of my body after surgery and the treatments are needed to be done to prevent recurrence.
I asked myself if I was in self-denial or just floating in the grace of God throughout my health battle that I didn’t have time to process and deeply mourn about my situation. It was a time that was painful but also a time where I saw how many friends and families rallied in prayer for me. All of a sudden, I knew God wanted to show me something. I felt really blessed and seeing people I love from different religions praying for my health is already one big blessing I can take with me as I journey along this hard and long battle.
After a lot of hospital trips, I’ve finally rang the bell to end the last round of my radiation, officially marking the end of all of my treatments. It was a moment where I felt a different kind of victory. It was not the strong type. It was more of a resilient, quiet and steady one — a kind of victory that only God himself can do.
As I was in the process of dealing and recovering from the harsh treatments, I was reminded of the following verses:
- 2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and of self-control (sound mind)”
- Jeremiah 33:3 – “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
- Isaiah 43:19 – “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
- Isaiah 26:3 – “You will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is stayed on you, because they trust in you.”
- 1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
- 1 Peter 4:12-13 – “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”
- Isaiah 53:5 – “By His stripes we are healed.”
As I continue to ask God for the purpose of my pain, I was reminded of this blog and the name I gave it years ago — “Kissed by Fire”. It was a name that resonated with me for so long but I still don’t have a meaningful story behind it, until this. It took me years to find the purpose of this blog. It truly feels like I have been saved from a valley of fire without getting burned in the process.
As I end this very dark yet unforgettable moment in my life, I pray and trust that God will continue to hold and bless my health and my life for the years to come so I can continue to do the work He has set me to do.
Thank you Jesus for a brand new day!
Kissed by Fire 